Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's blow job season.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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