can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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