I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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