Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
