Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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