Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
