You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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