If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
