Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's shark week go big or go home
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
