I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
