Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
