i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
