Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
