"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
