I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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