The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
last night I used snow as a chaser
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize