Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
