This is not my ceiling
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
its not stalking. its research.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
