A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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