I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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