I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
