As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
