You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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