Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
