Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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