I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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