If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
