Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
