Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
