I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
