make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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