Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
