We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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