Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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