I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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