yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
