I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
