You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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