Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
