i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
