So drunk its hurt
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
