she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
