my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
