my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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