I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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