guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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