I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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