Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
