I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
