the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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