Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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