you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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