I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
