there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
