tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
