Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
