God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
