Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
