Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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