shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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