I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
