I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
