I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
