I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish I only lived at night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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