We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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