Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
